7/29/2018

Won't You Please Excuse My Frankness

When people ask me "what kind of world is Uresia?" I have a spinny internal Rolodex of oddball responses (responding oddballishly helps prepare them, in saintly-honest terms, for exactly the kind of world Uresia is).

One of my favorites is "It's the kind where the world map is an advertisement for beer." If they ask for more: "The rune-borders on the pages are also ads, often from the same brewery that makes the maps."

By then, the curious gamer is likely alight with eager curiosity or dim with grimdark dismissal, either of which is the correct response for the gamer in question.

As noted above, these truths are saintly in their honesty, but I think it's rare for anyone to bother actually "decrypting" the borders to read the advertisements and other bits of gossip. I suspect it's rarer still for anyone to notice I change the rune-borders from book to book, and I suspect it's crazy rare for anyone to notice that, when some Uresia books were available in both Letter-sized and 6x9-size (before Lulu changed their software), the borders differed between those, too.

Which means there's a kind of hidden, ridiculous miniature Uresia worlbook scraped thin across the entire library. Without reading the borders, how will gamers know about the racist hiring practises at Wilgarth’s? The quality guarantees of Hastleveld Alchemy?  The maritime value of Brindle's Red Curry Ale?

How indeed? If you're feeling super bored and love substitution cyphers, knock yourself out decoding them. If you've got better things to do (I recommend prepping a Uresia session for your group as a better thing to do), here's every page-border in the Cumberland Games 2nd-ed library of Uresia titles. Note that due to the nature of the Sora and Chesra runes, there are some bizarro spellings when it comes to CH, S and K sounds. For all remaining oddities the alphabet is blameless. This is the kind of world Uresia is.

. . . . . . . . . .




Uresia: Grave Of Heaven

==========[Letter]
! Settle For Nothing Less Than The Best * Harkourt*S Sweet Dipping Mustard Made With Real Maple Syrup !
! This Rune Border Brought To You By Dosrabid*S, Where All Your Alkemikal Dreams Kan Kome True For Less Than The Prise Of Our Insuranse !
! Try Brindle*S Today And Lose Trak Of Tomorrow !
! Brindle*S For When Being Wasted Is Just Niser !
==========[6X9]
! Quest Over To Brindle*S For The Finest Beer Your Guilders Kan Buy * Or At Least A Mug Of Ours !
? Why Aksept A Lower Quality Substitute ?
! Master Petri Makes The Lightest Armor !

Spider Meat

==========[Letter]
! If You Are Konsidering A Trip To The South Extents Of Gandi, Book With Evensong Karavel Kruises Today !
! This Rune Border Brought To You By Ghost-O, The Amazing New Non-Dairy Anti-Ghost Kream From The Finest Alkemikal Kreameries Of Yem !
! Brindle*S Isn*T Just About Selling Ceap Beer !
! Next Time You Visit * Try Our New Hot Wings !
==========[6X9]
! Four Out Of Five Delvers Prefer Brindle*S Beer * The Fifth Kan Afford Something Better !
! When You*Re A Rune Border You Get !
! A Lot Of Time To Just Ponder Life !

Caravel

==========[Letter]
! Brindle*S New Red Kurry Ale Kleans You Thoroughly At Both Ends And Makes For An Easier Time At Sea !
! If You Are Konsidering The Purcase Of A Karavel Be Sure To Visit Honest Acmed*S Used Karavel Extravaganza Where The Kustomer Is King !
! For A Good Time Kall Sexy Alaida Of Snow Harbor !
! For A Better Time Drink Lots Of Brindle*S Beer !
==========[6X9]
! Sailors Need The Lighest Armor So They Bring Their Gold To Master Petri Of Shadow River !
! Brindle*S Turns Kommon Spelt To Booze !
! Who Needs Mages With A Trik Like That !

The Rune Guide

==========[Letter]
! Skilled Rune Kasters Kan Always Find Work At Wilgarth’S, The Fortune Telling Emporium With Heart !
! If Your Runestones Are Under-Performing Speak With Grandmaster Ruvak And See What Genuine Orgaltish Iron-Karved Runes Are Like !
! Do Not Leave Your Future To Random Canse !
! Wilgarth Kan Kustom Tailor Your Readings !
==========[6X9]
! Get Read Or Regret Maybe Not Today Maybe Not Tomorrow But Soon And For The Rest Of Your Life !
! Nobody Kan Read Runes As Well As Dwarves !
! Wilgarth Employs Only Dwarves Kome Today !

Coatestown

==========[Letter]
! No Potion Kan Heal Like A Hostleveld Potion, Made Of The Finest Ingredients And Fewer Kat-Derived Fillers !
! If You’Re Visiting Koatestown This Season, Stok Up On Dragon-Pruf Today For Your Safety - It’S Like A Dragonslayer In An Easy-Open Kan !
! There Is No Brindle*S In Koatestown, Kome Home !
! Brindle*S Is Like Being Mauled By Ten Dragons !
==========[6X9]
! Hostleveld Alkemists Include Fewer Kats Than Any Other Alkemists By Far * Taste The Difference !
! And When We Use Kats Ours Are The Freshest !
! Nine Out Of Ten Kats Dislike Being A Potion !

Scott's Landing

! If You Require A Diskreet Satyr Wedding They Do Them At The Lyrian Curc For A Modest Fee !
! Lokating The Aktual Satyr Will Require A Bit More Effort And Some Personality But As They Say It Is Well Worth It !
! We Meet Weekly At The Brush And Bellows !
! First Rule Of Satyr Klub Is MORE SATYRS !

Cast From Paradise

! If It-S Any Konsolation To The Elf Fetishists - Most Elves Prefer Elves As Well !
! Rune Border Sponsored By Master Andrian - Good For One Free Hug At Nektar-S Garden - Some Restriktions Apply !
! For A Really Good Time Kall S-John Ross !

. . . . . . . . . .


There are, of course, runes beyond these page borders, tucked away in maps and other graphics. But that's enough of that for now. If you've got some amusing rune anecdotes, or just want a really good time, my inbox is open, as always.


Hostleveld & Brindle's Team Up
for a Limited-Edition Cat Curry BPA*
You'll Not Soon Forget
*(Boru Pale Ale, natch, not a bisphenol joke, except kind of a bisphenol joke as a bonus)